Of not having my life in order I've decided to disband all my blogs and start again.
http://ping.fm/vUP6o
Will be the new start point and http://ping.fm/VUlOv/wiki shall be HQ
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Hurt
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Monday, 30 June 2008
The Journey of the Magi
"...were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death,
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death."
-- T. S. Eliot
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death,
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death."
-- T. S. Eliot
Friday, 20 June 2008
I don't want to get over you. I guess I could take
a sleeping pill and sleep at will and not have to
go through what I go through. I guess I should take
Prozac, right, and just smile all night at somebody new,
Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind who would
try to get you off my mind. I could leave this agony behind
which is just what I'd do if I wanted to, but I don't
want to get over you cause I don't want to get over love.
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist
and not have to dream of what I dream of; I could listen
to all my friends and go out again and pretend it's enough,
or I could make a career of being blue--I could dress
in black and read Camus, smoke clove cigarettes and drink
vermouth like I was 17 that would be a scream but I
don't want to get over you.
a sleeping pill and sleep at will and not have to
go through what I go through. I guess I should take
Prozac, right, and just smile all night at somebody new,
Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind who would
try to get you off my mind. I could leave this agony behind
which is just what I'd do if I wanted to, but I don't
want to get over you cause I don't want to get over love.
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist
and not have to dream of what I dream of; I could listen
to all my friends and go out again and pretend it's enough,
or I could make a career of being blue--I could dress
in black and read Camus, smoke clove cigarettes and drink
vermouth like I was 17 that would be a scream but I
don't want to get over you.
"Only"
I'm becoming less defined as days go by
Fading away
And well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself [x2]
Sometimes I can see right through myself
Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)
No it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore
Yes I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
[x2]
I just made you up to hurt myself, yeah
And I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked.
Yes it did!
[Chorus:]
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
Only [x4]
Well the tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be a scab
And I had this funny feeling like I just knew it's something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone, I kept picking at the scab
It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through
Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I know I really shouldn't see
And now I know why, now, now, now I know why
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside
[Chorus]
Only [x8]
Fading away
And well you might say
I'm losing focus
Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself
Sometimes I think I can see right through myself [x2]
Sometimes I can see right through myself
Less concerned about fitting into the world
Your world that is
Cause it doesn't really matter anymore
(no it doesn't really matter anymore)
No it doesn't really matter anymore
None of this really matters anymore
Yes I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell
I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
[x2]
I just made you up to hurt myself, yeah
And I just made you up to hurt myself
And it worked.
Yes it did!
[Chorus:]
There is no you
There is only me
There is no you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
There is no fucking you
There is only me
Only [x4]
Well the tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be a scab
And I had this funny feeling like I just knew it's something bad
I just couldn't leave it alone, I kept picking at the scab
It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut
But I climbed through
Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I know I really shouldn't see
And now I know why, now, now, now I know why
Things aren't as pretty
On the inside
[Chorus]
Only [x8]
Thursday, 19 June 2008
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
Patrick Sweeney - Realizing Ordinary Mind
Dharma2.0
"Patrick offers a beautiful discussion of nondual consciousness, the nameless, effortless, self-liberating quality of awareness in which all distinctions between self and other, this and that, inside and outside fall away completely, leaving only the brilliant clarity of this very Moment, exactly as it is. Although this 'Ordinary Mind' is and always has been the ever-present condition of consciousness, the separate self somehow rarely seems to notice that which it always already is—in fact, it is fair to say that the majority of our actions and intentions as human beings are in avoidance of this simple recognition, with all its ego-shattering implications. However, we have all experienced this radical One Taste many times in the course of our lives, if even for the briefest of moments. Patrick mentions accidents, orgasms, and death as typical moments of spontaneous and profound realization, but these experiences tend to occur whenever the normal continuity of life becomes suddenly disrupted—during which people tend to report radically altered states of experience, including a sense of time dilation, an overwhelming feeling of peace or oneness with the world, and everything simply becomes much more vivid, vibrant, and present. Unfortunately, it can be all too easy to miss these experiences without a stable contemplative practice, which helps train our capacity to be persistently aware of ourselves and our environments, making it much easier to recognize our own Original Face whenever it chooses to reveal itself."
"Patrick offers a beautiful discussion of nondual consciousness, the nameless, effortless, self-liberating quality of awareness in which all distinctions between self and other, this and that, inside and outside fall away completely, leaving only the brilliant clarity of this very Moment, exactly as it is. Although this 'Ordinary Mind' is and always has been the ever-present condition of consciousness, the separate self somehow rarely seems to notice that which it always already is—in fact, it is fair to say that the majority of our actions and intentions as human beings are in avoidance of this simple recognition, with all its ego-shattering implications. However, we have all experienced this radical One Taste many times in the course of our lives, if even for the briefest of moments. Patrick mentions accidents, orgasms, and death as typical moments of spontaneous and profound realization, but these experiences tend to occur whenever the normal continuity of life becomes suddenly disrupted—during which people tend to report radically altered states of experience, including a sense of time dilation, an overwhelming feeling of peace or oneness with the world, and everything simply becomes much more vivid, vibrant, and present. Unfortunately, it can be all too easy to miss these experiences without a stable contemplative practice, which helps train our capacity to be persistently aware of ourselves and our environments, making it much easier to recognize our own Original Face whenever it chooses to reveal itself."
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